Fake it | The Actors Handbook to Life
Fake it | The Actors Handbook to Life
“‘till you make it”
Last year I took up acting classes. It helped me reconnect to the little theatrical flair I once had and really helped polish off the few areas in self-expression and confidence I wanted to hone. Now it wasn’t any linear program but closer to a mish-mash of different foundational classes that built up to a full performance during which yes, I managed to talk my way into having my bathrobe on stage.
Beyond foraying into acting I also spent the time reflecting on the world of acting and the entire process actors take to hone their craft. Not only did I find that acting was incredibly demanding but that successful actors were often closer to the peak of confidence/success in everyday life and it wasn’t because of money but because of their ability to project confidence and self-express on command. To be a good actor means to be good in real life in the way you walk, talk and interact with the world.
Below I’ve shared some of the key takeaways I’ve learned over this time and how I think each, when applied in real life, can help us unlock a better more authentic version of ourselves.
This image went viral years ago. All the money in the world (Jeff Bezos, right) and his wife still looked up to the charm of this actor (Leonardo DiCaprio, left)
Lessons
1. Remember to Play
As children we play incessantly and without thinking. Totally lost in the moment and committed to whatever silly game we are engaged in. As adults we lose this ability to let go and play without thought. In acting the first significant chunk of training is spent literally playing children’s games again and again (think musical chairs or duck-duck-goose). This is to loosen up our stiff adult playful muscles and practice our ability to shed any awkwardness over playing a children’s game with other adults and surely over time you find yourself engaging more, thinking less and acting more authentically. So as you move through life and interact with others just remember to play from time to time.
2. Real Partners are like Scene Partners
As actors eventually we work with others whether its one-on-one or part of an entire ensemble and similar to real-world relationships I’ve found that the people you work with run the entire gamut of human behavior from the fiercely committed to the undedicated (I’ve been both so no shade to anyone I’ve worked with!). There also comes the complexity of navigating these intimate scene relationships while still performing your character. Similar to real world relationships among friends, partners or colleagues, selecting a scene partner or working with one requires a great deal of understanding, communication and trust. Each scene is only as good as the actors within it and similar to life you can only be as good as those you perform (spend life) with. So choose your companions carefully and for the people in your life you can’t choose; try your best to work with them and if needed accept when a ‘scene partner’ becomes a lost cause. It’ll save a lot of headache.
Another note is to be empathetic and practice kindness when working with others, I have had scene partners begin shaking on stage both in voice and movement due to the pressure of performing and have found the best person in that moment who can help them recover is…their scene partner!
3. Expression is difficult. Practice it!
The power to express yourself on demand is incredibly difficult. Trust me, I found out the hard way. It’s easy to sit at home and imagine yourself acting or expressing yourself as you please. Kind of like how we find the perfect comeback in the shower 2 hours after an argument takes place but to do so in front of others in a live setting is challenging. Like all things it’s possible through practice and commitment. In real life I have learned the average human isn’t emoting the right way (yes there is a right way to show emotion). This may not sound like a problem but it is – a huge one – see, if someone isn’t expressing themselves or emoting correctly it means they aren’t communicating effectively which means others aren’t getting their message across to others. This communication both verbal and non-verbal is absolutely key in helping us get what we want in life whether it’s a raise from a boss or a favours from a partner/friend and so on.
4. Switch yourself off
Similar to Lesson 1 (Remember to Play), learning to switch yourself off is a skill. It means focusing 100% on wherever we are and whatever we are doing. If an actor is performing and thinking about groceries or what to cook later that night then there’s a big problem and it’ll show in their performance. In real life we need to turn up and be present in whatever it is we are doing. Its fine to plan ahead but its not okay to think about dinner plans during a meeting or personal stresses while shopping. This behaviour will only take us out of the moment and kills our energy for the task at hand. The solution then is to practice being extremely present for whatever you are doing and switching off the internal dialogue.
5. Exposure therapy is best therapy
When performing in front of others I have found my exposure to audiences improving after each performance. At first, I stuttered next to peers, gradually progressing to forgetting some lines in front of a live audience and then ultimately delivering a performance with zero regard for who was in the audience and what they may think. Public speaking, standing up for yourself and knowing who you are may well just be the three hardest things anyone can do but with consistent exposure to these or any other tasks you perform will gradually increase you in confidence and in your own abilities over time. Overall exposure to ‘performing’ or doing things becomes a positive feedback loop; you perform well > people like it > you gain confidence > you perform better and so on.
6. Exaggerate your emotions
Similar to Lesson 3 (Expression is difficult. Practice it!), I have found the average person does not emote or express enough!
Whatever emotion you are doing try to exaggerate it next time and see the result. I’m not saying become unhinged when angry or profess your love in Shakespearean language but try to go above what you normally do in tone, body language, action and words. Think of some of the more successful short-form video content creators online (TikTok/Instagram etc) you will find they exaggerate facial expression, voices and body language. It may look silly or wrong but the reality is, it’s intensely pleasurable to witness.
We also try to exaggerate emotions so that the correct feeling is conveyed. For example, if someone is sad and they pout/go silent this may be misinterpreted as anger or pride by others. Remove the confusion and express yourself more clearly through exaggeration.
This single video (M to the B) sling-shotted Bella Poarch to stardom. It had all the exaggerated facial expressions one could muster.
7. An iceberg of emotion
When I first started acting, I could not believe how many emotions and personality traits I had tucked away in my subconscious. Only to rear their beautiful-ugly heads when self-expression was required.
It’s a terrifying reality to rediscover your persona and feel waves of emotions you didn’t realise existed but its an absolute must if you are looking to live a more authentic and confident lifestyle. I encourage everyone to pursue the things they want and explore their ability to express themselves which can help you reconnect with these long lost parts of your personality. If you do it right, it can even help unlock your inner child.
I will add though that expressing yourself and working through deep emotions is not easy especially through acting. It can definitely take a toll on a person; case-in-point, most actors lead incredibly volatile lives due to the taxing nature of their work so; proceed with caution.
“If you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you”
8. Energy is everything
Who you are, what you do and how you act are essential elements to the type of energy you bring. When I say energy, I mean literally energy in the hippie way (like vibes). Some people have a fun-loving energy, others have a serious energy, others still have a soft energy which is all calculated through their body language, tone & actions as well as physical, emotional and mental states.
As an actor, when you portray a character you must bring the right type of energy to the role or risk performing something inauthentic for audiences. Think Leonardo DiCaprio in Wolf of Wall Street or Johnny Depp in the Pirates of the Caribbean. Both bring a different type of energy to the way they talk, walk and interact with the world. You can immediately tell who they are, what they stand for and what is important to them just by observing them for a minute.
Reflect on what type of energy you bring and more importantly what type of energy you WANT to bring and then work on building your persona to one day bridge that difference.
Energy is the difference between having flowers thrown on stage or rotten tomatoes. As a final example, think of pretty privilege, it’s true that good-looking people get better treatment on average than everyone else but in a sense its less to do with looks and more to do with energy. See a ‘pretty’ person may get a compliment which emboldens them to act more confidently/nicely and take care of their physical wellbeing which improves the energy they portray. Over a lifetime they become surer of themselves and their place in the world – like a positive feedback loop. Whereas someone who never gets a compliment struggles to improve their ‘energy’ as their positive feedback loop never kicks off. But this isn’t an excuse to palm off your problems, it just means you have to pump up your own energy and let the positive feedback kick in.
Bonus tips:
1. Experiment!
Especially if you’re on the younger side of life try experimenting with your emotions and actions especially in social settings. Express yourself with intensity and in wacky unpredictable ways to test your emotional stamina and the limits of your social abilities.
2. Don’t cringe
MY. GOD. This one is a dream killer. Do NOT ever cringe at anything you do. I know there are many cringe-worthy moments in our lives but trust me, don’t do it when you are learning self-expression. This may seem minor but not cringing at yourself when trying new things or failing allows you to test your performance limits and to get back up again and again until you hit success. Showmanship and charisma are natural to no one. Under no circumstances are you to cringe.
Photo of Hitler in 1925 practicing the best poses for his public speeches. Even this criminal needed to practice his craft. you can’t just hit the big stages with ‘natural charisma & oration’
3. Avoid bad actors
A bad actor is someone who cringes, judges or criticizes others. They also reject, decline or otherwise impede opportunities to ‘play’ (in real life, people who say no constantly or act pessimistically). Avoid them at all costs.
4. Make your own choices
Actors are given scripts and characters which they use to flesh out how they will portray them in the final performance. While acting your director and other actors may give you plentiful feedback or ideas but remember the final choice always rests with you. This means when carving out our own lives we must take ownership over all our actions and be proactive in doing that which aligns with your values & goals. Any advice that does not fit your vision should be dumped from memory.
5. Objectives
Actors memorise lines based off objectives (what they want) and actions (how they will get what they want). Remember that in life we all have objectives for our whole lives and for each individual day. Ask yourself in key moments what it is you are after and how you intend to get it.
Ie you want to ask your wife to do a chore; do you pepper her with words of sweetness, do you shout, scream, threaten or abuse, do you bribe with gifts, do you play the long game and so on. This may seem silly and possibly even a little manipulative but it really just means that you should think about what you want and take time to reflect on the best course of action you need to do to get it.
I hope these reflections are of use to you my dear reader. They were lessons learned with great adversity, difficulty & joy during my time acting and something I hope to cherish for a long time to come.
Bonus to the Jeff Bezos/Leo image earlier in this post, watch this footage of billionaire Elon Musk getting booed off stage at Dave Chappelle’s comedy show. All the money in the world can’t buy the goodwill and charisma of Dave nor the ability to handle yourself on the fly.