It Starts Now | How to stick to New Year’s resolutions
It Starts Now | How to stick to New Year’s resolutions
“From Monday”
It’s a New Year. Motivations are aplenty, expectations are high and resolutions are in full swing. Despite the optimism there’s the hilariously tragic reality that most of us will start the new year strong by hitting all our goals for a grand total of one week and then relapse into a less productive lifestyle.
It’s not shame-worthy nor blameworthy, it’s simple human behaviour and something we can work through rather than beat ourselves down for.
But before we get into the different ways to keep moving forward. It’s important to learn about the four traps our mind draws us into.
The Monday trap
One of the pitfalls of the human mind is pegging importance to certain dates and events.
“I’ll start from Monday. I’ll change on the first day of the New Year. I’ll begin on my birthday or after I finish X.”
The set date or special events come and pass us by. At best, we grasp action for a short time but ultimately fail to change or start anything meaningful.
Why?
See our brains are physical systems that map out behaviours, habits and inclinations based off genetics and the actions we consistently repeat. Expecting to ‘start’ a significant life change such as quitting smoking simply does not work (usually) because the act of changing oneself – even slightly – is an uphill battle than can only be won through gradual consistency giving the brain time to map out new neural pathways.
When we do initiate a change or start something new what usually happens is we often relapse or find a reason to stop the development of these new behaviours from forming in our minds.
Again, why?
Let’s take McDonalds for example, and the way it shapes many peoples eating and spending behaviours. Most Australians would know that In October Maccas typically releases their annual Monopoly program which lets their customers buy food and win some cool prizes. In 2022, they held this promotion once again, except I noticed that after it ended, another promotion called 30 days, 30 deals immediately started, after that ended they announced a few limited edition menu items. There was always something to draw customers back in or keep them engaged.
Now imagine you are trying to curve your spending or start a new diet or even work on a new project. You promise you’ll start it on the first Monday of October. October rolls around and so does Maccas Monopoly. It’s cheap, delicious and fun plus everyone is doing it. So you buckle on your new goals because discipline is hard to come by when a new habit is forming. Now you’ve got a taste for Big Macs and your diet is compromised so when November rolls around with its 30 days, 30 deals promotion it becomes impossible to hold yourself back. So you wait till December and the next promotions slaps you in the face. Wash, rinse, repeat. Just like a gambler at the slot machine you’ll definitely make some positive gains but ultimately result in a net negative for the year.
This process repeats itself outside the culinary world. The distractions of technology. Our engagement in society. Peer pressure from friends. The latest world events and so on and so forth. There will never be the right time if you keep waiting around. The only way through is to start now.
It really does sneak up on you, doesn’t it?
The All-or-Nothing Trap
The next trap people fall into is the all or nothing trap. If we start the gym, we want to do 100 pullups on day one. When we launch a business we want to make $1 million in the first year. When we go to classes we want immediate High Distinctions. When we sit to study, we want to finish the whole book. When we socialize we want to be the life of the party.
In reality, we either fail to execute or mentally exhaust ourselves with the thought and never truly proceed. So the antidote to this type of behavior is simply to start small.
Do one push up. Make $1. Get a pass on your subjects. Read one sentence. Say Hi to one person. That’s it. No big goals no large global conquest ideals. Just you, your little old self and your 5-second dreams. Start incredibly and brutally small. Allow your brain to develop the neural pathways to accept the new habit and make it part of your identity. Try to go all out and the chances of a relapse or a failure to even start are astronomically high.
The Perfect Trap
The other trap or pitfall we often find ourselves in is the perfection trap.
When starting out a new behaviour or implementing change we often plan for it perfectly.
“I have to have the perfect form on my first day at the gym. I must nail my first job interview. I need to know how to dunk a basketball on my first try.”
This mindset is made worse by the style of upbringing many of us receive in a society that shames failure or harshly judges it. We completely forget that as children we stumbled a thousand times before we learned to walk. We used training wheels for months before riding two-wheelers. And we mumbled our expressions until coherent words and sentences formed over years of effort.
Whatever you wish to do or achieve will take time. You’ll start off miserably bad at it. Failure is okay. Grin through the beginners hazing period and the awkwardness of failing and you will eventually master it. Don’t let the need for perfection stop you from starting because there is no such thing as the perfect start. The weather will never be just right, You’ll never feel perfectly ready for it and the stars will not align – at least not in your lifetime.
This is especially important because as adults we become adverse to making ourselves vulnerable and from looking silly by trying new things and learning. I implore you to not let ego take away the joys of new experiences and skills from you. Your inner child will thank you.
The Atheist Trap
No this isn’t about religion but it is about faith. Faith in yourself. See we act like believing fanatics in everything that we see and experience today but disbelieve in everything that will happen tomorrow.
We know working out is good for us. We know that if we stick to it we’ll get awesome results. But we believe more in the sugar high from a chocolate cake because it provides a hit today and working out doesn’t show results for months.
We know reading will make us intellectually unstoppable over a lifetime but since we don’t become instantly smarter from doing so, we simply don’t believe it. We do believe in social media apps which provide instant stimulation and emotional validation.
We know death is coming but we act like we will live forever.
We know the value of long-term thinking but we believe in only the short term.
To truly change anything within your life, identity or behaviour, you’ll need to start believing it and more importantly, sustain that belief through moments of demotivation.
How to stick to your New Year’s resolutions
So what does all this mean, how in the hell do we ensure 2023 is different and our new year resolutions stick?
Well let’s boil it down to four simple and memorable mantras:
Start now: Don’t wait for Monday, your birthday or 3 weeks after Mercury goes into retrograde.
Start small: Literally the tiniest most pathetic amount of work possible. One pushup. One sentence. One vegetable.
Start stupidly: Do it awfully the first time and be okay with flailing for a while. You’ll get there!
Start believing: Trust the process. It’s going to happen. The same way holiday chocolates add up, so too will the early morning run.